I haven't posted in ages for a few reasons
1. I am in baby world and loving it
2. I am working hard on building up my business in town so I don't have to travel to film the weddings
3. AJ is doing really well and I haven't had much to report
4. I started a blog for my business and have been spending time on that
So, for an update. Emmy is all roly poly cherubby tubby little thing. But it is all from breast milk, not Cheetoes. She is happy and calm and sweet, not fussy. Although over the past couple of days she has started teething and being a bit grumpy. When I realized I had an easy baby on my hands and not much money, I decided to really get the business going and to get it going here in town so I don't have to be away from Emmy for long. So nursing is going well. After I took Diflucan for a couple of weeks everything got better and it was smooth sailing from the on (despite 2 mastitas bouts that I kicked without antibiotics).
AJ is in summer camp now and has made a friend...another little girl who is on the spectrum. I saw her the other morning when I dropped AJ off and was a bit surprised that her hair wasn't brushed at all in a way that looked a bit neglectful and her outfit was like she had found it at the bottom of the dirty clothes hamper. But this camp is expensive so there isn't poverty involved. I almost said something to AJ's teacher but then decided that a kid could look that that sometimes over the summer and I perhaps next time I see her she will be a bit more groomed. But then I saw her again and it was even worse. I thought, well, maybe they take hippie to new levels? I don't know, but this is AJ's new great friend. She has a twin brother who is also in the summer camp with them. AJ wants me to invite her over and I will, but as usual this is very nerve wracking for me as I have no idea what the reaction will be from her family. I will post about it after I send the note/invite.
We are going on a beach vacation next week. This is our first real vacation that will last for a whole week. DH's family is renting a beach house and we are going to drive up and meet them there. The kids are so friggin excited. I think it might be a bit of a challenge with a baby on the beach, but I am going to get one of those beach tents from OneStepAhead.com
OK, I'm finally tired.
goodnight,
me
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Monday, June 1, 2009
Late Sunday Night Post
AJ's doing really well. Some days she is still a bit foggy, but I have noticed that lack of sleep seems to be a huge reason for fog. It is like everything just affects her more than typical kids. But she is talking up a storm and I LOVE getting to see what is inside of her head. It is pretty amazing. She is trying to make jokes these days and has about 90% misses because of saying inappropriate things then laughing, for example: "I'm going to eat Emmy!" so, slightly disturbing and not really funny. But sometimes she gets a winner, for example, she and I and Emmy are all not having dairy so AJ likes to say that the girls are allergic to dairy. Then she heard me say in the car that Owen is allergic to cats and DH chipped in and said he was allergic to cats. So AJ said, "The no-dairy's are not allergic to cats."
Our summer break started last week and the kids have been making lots of artwork. They have been making books...drawing lots of pictures then dictating the story to me while i write type it on the computer and print it out so they can paste the words in their books and read them to me. It is great for getting them to learn to read new words because they love reading the books that they created. The artwork is wonderful too.
I'm just really happy and satisfied with my life right now. Of course there could be improvements. I wish I were more caught up on my wedding video editing that is alarmingly behind. But AJ's aid, let's call her C, is going to start babysitting the kids this summer and so I will get some work done. I am going to pay her $100 a week but it will be worth it to catch up on my work. It feels good to have a plan to fix this problem. I have the house clean now, the laundry caught up and everyone is asleep (and not sick). So I feel pretty good right now.
(Read the following only if you are not squeamish about death.)
It has been a strange time though in a way. I feel almost an urgancy to enjoy my life because I have been so alarmed by death. It was my sister's birthday last weekend. She would have been 39. Our family and my parents went out to her and the baby's grave (they were buried together) it says, "Eternally in our hearts, eternally in mommy's arms." I chose that wording actually. I chose the wording for my sisters side of the stone too. She would be glad about that I think. So even though her death it is getting to be a bit more normal, it is still more shocking than anything else. I don't think that will ever go away, which is OK. I didn't bring her flowers but my mom did. She brought her white lilly's which were in her wedding bouquet, and mine too. I stood there by myself and talked to her for a while. I was annoyed when anyone came up and interrupted me. I just wanted to talk to her privately then say goodbye and leave...which I did eventually. My shrink from a while back told me that there is more energy at graveyards than in other places and this is somehow scientifically documented. I think this is one of the reasons I want to go there, because of what he said. Otherwise I would think that it wouldn't matter because she is with me wherever I go anyway and I don't need to go there...when she is here right? I dunno.
Then, my friend's mom died of cancer two weeks ago. I held her mom's hand and told her I would take care of her daughter, an hour before she passed. I only was in there for about 2 minutes and was shocked by what she looked like. only a few weeks before that she had looked great. Here her face had nothing between the skin and the skeleton it seemed. Her eyes seemed to be popping out. It was shocking and I thought that no one should have to ever be in that position. I thought about how labor and having a baby even by C-section, is so difficult and intense. It is like a right of passage and I think that the life that is born takes so much out of us, the pain is shocking and dreadful. BUT the light at the end of the tunnel is that we have a beautiful baby to hold in our arms. There is a miracle in the room afterwards. So when I looked at my friend's mom, at the shocking and dreadful time she was going through, I realized that I had previously thought that labor was the worst pain and right of passage I would have to go through in my life, besides the ocean of grief I have also had to wade through. But now, seeing her, I realized that there in more in store. I realized that dying is terrible and it scared me. But I can't help but wonder...we get such a miracle at the end of giving birth, that perhaps..just perhaps...there is a miracle waiting for us at the end of dying? Probably not. BUT, my other friend who works for hospice told me that people who are minutes from dying talk to people in the room that she can't see and it give her goose bumps. I liked that. She is a trustworthy person and doesn't make shit up.
Finally, I think of a quote, "Life is the good part between tragedy." That is where I am at right now. I am so glad to be alive and I am working on keeping thoughts and feelings like this at bay and in perspective so that they are something I write about at night and not something that bothers me during my daily life routines and playing with my kids. Instead it gives me permission to be happy with what I have now, that it is enough..more than enough. And this makes the fact that I don't know when I am going to die, a little less relevant.
me.
Our summer break started last week and the kids have been making lots of artwork. They have been making books...drawing lots of pictures then dictating the story to me while i write type it on the computer and print it out so they can paste the words in their books and read them to me. It is great for getting them to learn to read new words because they love reading the books that they created. The artwork is wonderful too.
I'm just really happy and satisfied with my life right now. Of course there could be improvements. I wish I were more caught up on my wedding video editing that is alarmingly behind. But AJ's aid, let's call her C, is going to start babysitting the kids this summer and so I will get some work done. I am going to pay her $100 a week but it will be worth it to catch up on my work. It feels good to have a plan to fix this problem. I have the house clean now, the laundry caught up and everyone is asleep (and not sick). So I feel pretty good right now.
(Read the following only if you are not squeamish about death.)
It has been a strange time though in a way. I feel almost an urgancy to enjoy my life because I have been so alarmed by death. It was my sister's birthday last weekend. She would have been 39. Our family and my parents went out to her and the baby's grave (they were buried together) it says, "Eternally in our hearts, eternally in mommy's arms." I chose that wording actually. I chose the wording for my sisters side of the stone too. She would be glad about that I think. So even though her death it is getting to be a bit more normal, it is still more shocking than anything else. I don't think that will ever go away, which is OK. I didn't bring her flowers but my mom did. She brought her white lilly's which were in her wedding bouquet, and mine too. I stood there by myself and talked to her for a while. I was annoyed when anyone came up and interrupted me. I just wanted to talk to her privately then say goodbye and leave...which I did eventually. My shrink from a while back told me that there is more energy at graveyards than in other places and this is somehow scientifically documented. I think this is one of the reasons I want to go there, because of what he said. Otherwise I would think that it wouldn't matter because she is with me wherever I go anyway and I don't need to go there...when she is here right? I dunno.
Then, my friend's mom died of cancer two weeks ago. I held her mom's hand and told her I would take care of her daughter, an hour before she passed. I only was in there for about 2 minutes and was shocked by what she looked like. only a few weeks before that she had looked great. Here her face had nothing between the skin and the skeleton it seemed. Her eyes seemed to be popping out. It was shocking and I thought that no one should have to ever be in that position. I thought about how labor and having a baby even by C-section, is so difficult and intense. It is like a right of passage and I think that the life that is born takes so much out of us, the pain is shocking and dreadful. BUT the light at the end of the tunnel is that we have a beautiful baby to hold in our arms. There is a miracle in the room afterwards. So when I looked at my friend's mom, at the shocking and dreadful time she was going through, I realized that I had previously thought that labor was the worst pain and right of passage I would have to go through in my life, besides the ocean of grief I have also had to wade through. But now, seeing her, I realized that there in more in store. I realized that dying is terrible and it scared me. But I can't help but wonder...we get such a miracle at the end of giving birth, that perhaps..just perhaps...there is a miracle waiting for us at the end of dying? Probably not. BUT, my other friend who works for hospice told me that people who are minutes from dying talk to people in the room that she can't see and it give her goose bumps. I liked that. She is a trustworthy person and doesn't make shit up.
Finally, I think of a quote, "Life is the good part between tragedy." That is where I am at right now. I am so glad to be alive and I am working on keeping thoughts and feelings like this at bay and in perspective so that they are something I write about at night and not something that bothers me during my daily life routines and playing with my kids. Instead it gives me permission to be happy with what I have now, that it is enough..more than enough. And this makes the fact that I don't know when I am going to die, a little less relevant.
me.
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