I have bee a little worried about #3 also having autism. Since there is the genetic factor there is a large possibility. Before I thought that if I just don't vaccinate we won't trigger anything and then when the child's immune system is stronger, perhaps we can vaccinate, say by...age 4? Or we would think about it again by then.
But some kids are born with autism.

So this pregnancy is not filled with future plans and hopes and dreams. It is getting through the nausea and it is being calm and not taking medication and eating healthy organic foods when I can eat. It is not as fun to swear off McDonalds fish sandwiches and brownies like I scarfed down my first pregnancy. It is not as fun to be scared of having my bladder completely destroyed and not being able to sit because of hemeroids. I'm scared that I am not in good enough shape to get through labor and what if they have to do a C section or what if I don't make it. I know this sounds crazy and I don't really think that too much or anything. But I think with loosing my sister while she was pregnant and with the autism gene that we obviously could pass on...this is kind of a more solum pregnancy. I don't want a shower (not that I would get one with #3 anyway). But I do look at websites and blogs that have natural baby stuff like toys that are wooden and fabric and a bit different from the ones you buy at Target.

We closed on our new house on Friday. It is exciting but the changes are coming like paint balls.
me.

We went to OT today and I find myself being surprised that AJ has delays in motor planning, for example, she has a hard time drawing diagonal lines. I find myself thinking that it is just baffling that she would have a hard time with this. She is so smart and I see where she has problems when she is tired and makes funny squinting faces and stumbles around. You can tell she has autism then. She does use route phrases and speaks as though reciting lines from a movie. But these phrasees make sense and are in context and I am used to them. The way she speaks is "cute" and sometimes her memorized sentences sound very smart. So when I see a little handwriting test and see how far behind she is with some very seemingly obvious things, I am surprised and it makes me a bit worried. I think about her amazing drawings, yet, she is years behind in drawing a diagonal line. It doesn't make much sense since she draws houses with diagonal roofs on them. I don't know. So we are going to do, "handwriting without tears" and she started some worksheets today. She had a hard time doing the letters in the right order or things, such as, when she writes letters, usually it is like she is drawing them as a picture and she does the sequencing out of order and odly, but the letter ends up looking how it is supposed to, but more interesting in my opinion. So with this program she is learning the right sequencing and not just creating her own alphabet letters. That will help her in Kindergarten.
me.

Although this pregnancy was not planned or in the plans, there is still something wonderful about being pregnant again. And now that I know how to do it I am excited at the changes happening, and this time, I completely understand them...well, not completely. I am not sick yet and not horribly tired, which is weird because I was exhausted early on with the first two and already sick with A.J. by now. I am sure that by 8 weeks I will be puking. In fact, that is how I am viewing this pregnancy. It is going to be rough, like my other two. It is going to be hard and painful and tiresome. But I am going to tough it out. This time I will not be surprised, I hope. I am just going to take things as they come and work through them.

I have difficult babies too, and once again, I will take things as they come. I am totally fine with this...a little scared but I have to smile when I think of the little life in my belly. Although yesterday she wanted this baby to be a girl, today A.J. says it is a boy and his name is Adan. I say, what if it is a girl an she says, "No, it is a boy, it is Adan." So she may have just named our 6 week old embryo.

I am excited to have our brood in our new house.

 I have never owned a house and so I am very much looking forwards to nesting. I am going to do lots of gardening and I am planning all sorts of projects for the back yard. Our new house is so little that we will most likely be spending lots of time in the large front and back yards. I am looking forwards to being able to nurse this baby with only DH and the kids around. I will probably be shirtless for the first couple of weeks. We lived with my parents through the first two pregnancies and babies. That was wonderful for us and the help was huge, and so appreciated that it would take many posts to truly express it. But this time, I will enjoy the privacy and I will enjoy not having stairs to have to transport children and babies up and down through out the day. We will just have our tiny little space of 850 square feet to navigate around. It sounds small for a family of 5, but we are not very tall people and we don't have much stuff. We ordered some beautiful appliances for our small kitchen that has been completely redone. And today I just ordered a book: The Creative Family - How to Encourage Imagination and Nurture Family Connections

I also ordered some BPA-free homemade popsicle holders and some soy crayon rocks.

I need some ideas for the summer that don't take much money. Occasionally, "creative" also means low cost because you do a lot of the work yourself. So, we will see if this book, "The Creative Family" pays for itself. I need some creative storage ideas and I read a review that said this book has some.

So I need to get back to my editing that I have been avoiding although this wedding is pretty fun to edit overall. The first dance comes complete with one of those sudden transitions from slow sappy country (insert record scrape noise here) to grinding boodie rap. Many of us internet junkies have seen these types of dances on youtube, so many younger guests attending this wedding were not surprised. But the older guests were, and their  expressions in the background are priceless. 

So tonight I am happy that I have a little one growing in my belly. I have no expectations, no false hopes and I do understand that there are no guarantees. So I will take it as it comes and enjoy it and yes, I will be heartbroken if things go wrong. So, here goes the next 8 months




.

me.

#3 on the way

So I am 6 weeks pregnant. We used a condom with spermacide, but I guess you have to use it right from the beginning because we are living proof that if you wait a little first, you're gonna get pregnant! I've been a little stunned. The first two were not planned but they were in the plans and it was actually perfect timing. But we were done and I had my head wrapped around that. We were ready for the vacations to begin, maybe camping soon. We were ready for both kids to be in school so I could work during the day more and we could make some more money. But here I am with number 3 growing rapidly in there as I type. Of course I am happy. It is like nature makes you happy. What else are you going to be? Of course I am worried about autism and I am doing things differently this time. I am not going to eat a ton of chocolate for one...no tuna fish at all. I am eating organic healthy food but I will allow the occasional pizza binge. Today, to get myself excited or to drive home the reality, I bought two glass baby bottles online and a stainless steel sippy cup. And I think that I am somehow going to try and not have an epidural. I don't know. I won't commit to that because I got to 9 cm with Owen before I got the epidural and I can still feel the pain. But I think I am going to try.

Also a couple of weeks before my due date and after the baby is born I am not going to eat or consume anything with casein in it as I have read lots of articles that say it helps to calm colic, to cut out dairy. After having one child with autism and the other with first, dysphasia as an infant and asthma now. I am going to do my best to keep the environmental toxins as far away as I can. I also will not be doing any shots until this one is 4 years old. I hope it helps keep my new little one protected. It is so strange because you get the shots to protect your children, and it is so weird that I will not be getting the shots...to protect my children. I have learned that doctors don't know anything and the people who taught the doctors, don't know anything. What else is a doctor going to do though than tell you confidently that what they have learned is fact. How can you be a skeptical doctor? Well, I guess it is possible, in fact we have one for AJ.

So I am early on in the pregnancy but I am giving my little clump of multiplying cells lots of good energy and thoughts and early love. I have been lucky enough that my anxiety has not been popping up and I hope it stays that way. I am wondering if it going to be a boy or girl. AJ wants a sister and Owen wants a brother. I don't care, either way it will be amazing. I hope things work out. I hope I hope and I hope and I don't worry because worry doesn't help. But I am terrified in the most calm way possible. Hm,
me.