Tonight I thought about after my older sister's accident, we will call her L, my younger sister, Claire was crying in her room at my mom's house. Let me clarify. This was only a few days after L's accident and Claire had flown from Israel with her husband...boyfriend at the time. I was there with DH and the kids were there and my parents. They have a big house (that they are still trying to sell now that they live up here.)
So it was morning and I heard Claire crying so I opened her door and went inside. Her husband was on the bed too but I just went right over to her and held her while she cried. She said she had a dream and I made her tell me the dream. She said she dreamed we were at the baby shower, it was one that we had just been to a few days ago for our good friend. But in the dream, L was there and she had a bandage on her stomach and that she knew she was going to die in a few days.
Then Claire told me that she woke up and the dream was true. That L was really gone and it wasn't just a dream. I told her that no that wasn't how it happened so her dream wasn't true. I said as I held her while she sobbed, that L didn't know she was going to die and that she was happy and that she didn't know at all and that one minute she was there and the next she was gone. I said that it was very different. I think I made her feel a tiny bit better but we were both kind of freaking out. It was terrible.
I keep waiting for L to come back. I keep waiting for all of this to not be real. Even after almost 2 years it doesn't seem real. It doesn't seem possible that she would be gone and the rest of us, my parents, me and Clair, to still be here. That just isn't how it was supposed to be. I still can't wrap my head around it. It helps that Emmy's middle name is after L. It somehow softens it all a little which is a bit strange but I think it even helps my parents. And when people send gifts for her they include her middle name on the card. No one ever did that for AJ and Owen.
Emmy is doing wonderfully well.
2 comments:
Dear Autism Mum,
While reading this post, I could feel how raw you still are about the untimely departure of your sister 2 years ago. It has been a traumatic time for you. Something that's not easy to accept and that seems unfair.
I'd like to share a bit of my experience with you and I hope it'll help you find some peace within yourself.
Last year, a dear friend passed away way too early, leaving a wife and two daughters behind. The news came as a shock. Every day, I make a list of the things (tiny to big) I'm grateful in my life but I have to admit I struggled getting my head around losing someone dear. So, I called my mentor/coach who looked at it from a different angle.
Here is what he told me: "The first thing that occurs to me about this in relationship to
gratitude is being grateful that you had the opportunity to know this person as a friend. Often when something or someone is removed from our reality, our appreciation for it or them increases exponentially. Inside of death, there is a new appreciation for life, be it yours or the
people close to you. You might start there..."
And it was right. I started from there, looking how him crossing my way was such a blessing and how blessed I was to have such wonderful people around me. And it might help you too.
I could be grateful but I still had a lot of negative emotions attached to it... until a few weeks ago.
I went to a training to further my skills in helping others release their emotional traumas and use the power of the mind as a healer. And what better way to learn and perfect than doing it on yourself. So, I did. I released the negative emotions that were no doubt holding me back, not serving me and above it not doing justice to the unique, loving, fun and special person my friend was. Now, I can think of him with a smile and warmth inside. I know he and his teachings are there for me whenever I need them.
This 'comment' got longer than I thought. Sorry!
Feel free to contact me with any question or request. It'll be my pleasure to help you.
Lots of love to you all,
Karine
Thank you
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