this sucks

I'm kind of freaking out right now. DH told me that he bought a midi keyboard for his band. This is at a time when we have no money and I have been busting my butt to get wedding video bookings and editing whenever I get a second between taking care of the 3 kids. The keyboard was $250. I feel like he is pissing away my hard work...on his band. He said he bought it because I got a booking and 2 more inquiries. I have been so stressed lately with trying to keep the business going so we can pay our mortgage, so stressed that it made me sick with this shingles..which you only get when your immune system is compromised and/or if you are suffering from severe stress.

If I spend too much money it is because I went to Gymboree and went a bit nuts on the sale rack or something. It is always for the kids or our family. I am so disappointed that his splurge is for the band while our family is suffering severe money issues. There is so much we could do with $250 right now for the business. This recession is kicking my ass.

His band is really good. They are getting ready to release a new album and go on tour. He loves it and I try hard to support him. But tonight...I hate it. Tomorrow I will gather myself up again and look on the bright side again. Now, I think I will make myself a cup of decaf tea to try and get rid of this migraine, and maybe find something mindless on TV.

me.

shingles, autism, recession

I'm on day 3 of this shingles rash and I think I must be one of the lucky few that isn't that bothered by it. It is itchy but if I just leave it alone it is OK. If I forget and touch it, then it hurts. But I am being super careful to just ignore the itch. I don't have pain on the nerve where the rash runs so I guess I am very lucky not to have that. I am just really really really tired. I also have swollen glands and a sore throat but not too badly or anything.

So I have been using the plastic stuff, Tagederm, over the rash which helps because I can see where it is. I have started nursing Emmy on that side again since her mouth doesn't go near the rash, where as the pump piece got a bit too close to it and aggravated it a bit.

I have been pumping and giving the milk to AJ and Owen, disguised with chocolate rice milk so they are not totally grossed out. I am hoping the antibodies will help Owen not get it and might help Avery's autism?? Who knows. I was also thinking that I stopped nursing AJ around 14 or 16 months and if autism has anything to do with immune defficiency that breast milk can only help with that. I know she is 6 but its not like I'm putting her on my boob or anything. She doesn't even know she is getting it (she would be grossed out if I told her.) Both AJ and Owen are doing well today. Owen's stuttering seems to be much better too since I stopped giving him dairy a week or so ago. DH noticed that too. Of course, it could be a coincidence, but I don't think so.

So DH is at a meeting but is going to come home from work early so that I can sleep. He came home for a long lunch and I slept for an hour and a half. I might go lie down right now while the kids are watch a movie and Emmy is asleep.

Oh, I finally got a wedding video booking, which means we now have August and September's mortgage covered (if everyone sends their checks in). Maybe that is why I got shingles. I was so stressed about paying the mortgage because we weren't getting any bookings that it made me sick? I don't know.

me.