I'll write about the new OBGYN tomorrow. Today I'm going to write about O. Yesterday we went to the mall and I asked O to pick out a present for his school friend, Elle's party that was today. He picked out a $10 gift of two matchbox cars from the movie, "Cars." He was so proud of his choice that I just bought them and thought that I liked cars as a little girl so it is OK to give them as a present to a little girl.
But today while he was at preschool and I was back at the mall (getting them winter jackets) I saw some cute little dolls at the Childrens' Place that were only $10 and looked a lot more fun to give to her at the party that afternon than two matchbox cars. So I bought one, wrapped it up and gave it to O to give to his friend. I didn't mention to him that it was not the cars, but a doll. I was a little embarrassed at that moment at the gender labels I was solidifying. I didn't think he would ever know or be affected by it though because these days no one ever opens their gifts at their party. I figured it would be no big deal. I was right. We left before she opened them.
Then when we got home after a long day, he walked in the front door and there were the match box cars by the front door. I forgot to put them away. He picked them up and showed them to me and shouted, "We forgot the present!!!!!"
Instead of just telling him that I got her a doll instead I said, "There were cars in there. I bought two of them so you could have one and she could have one."
He looked a bit confused. I said, 'You can have these at Christmas time. I will put them away for now.
He said, 'I don't want them at Christmas, I want them at fall!!"
He very rarely gets spontaneous gifts, and I felt so guilty for my dumb lie that I just said OK and gave him the cars, pulling them out of the packaging and giving them to him.
So then at bed time he was holding the cars and he started crying. I asked him what was wrong and he said that there was nothing in the box that we gave Elle today. I said that there was a present in the box and I wouldn't give her an empty box.
He said, "NO, I checked, there was nothing in there!!"
The box was sealed well, there was no way he could have checked, but he is such a smart kid that he probably wondered why the box was so light, as this was a stuffed doll, not the heavy little cars. I decided to level with him and said, "I bought her a doll and put it in the box."
Now he was utterly confused and I was in a pickle. He said that he wanted to put the cars back in the packaging we had just taken them out of and give them to Elle tomorrow. He kept saying that the present box we gave her was empty.
His sophistication of his indignant protests was stunning. My heart was breaking as he cried because of how my ballooning white lies and bad decisions were affecting him.
So tomorrow I will go to Sears and get another packet of cars, the same one and bring it to his preschool so that he can give it to Elle. I won't really be making up for lying to him. I won't be fixing the confusion of the stories changing and possibly loosing his trust in me. But it is one small thing I can do to try and make up for it. I might even keep him out of preschool and take him with me to Sears and he can help me wrap it. I don't know. I don't want to make too big of a deal out of it but I need to follow through with something solid that makes sense to him.
So that was my bad parent vent. I know I will make many more mistakes but I have learned that even though O is 3, he is a very very smart little person and that I must always be honest with him, even if it inconvenient. Because the alternative is unfair and just well, pretty much awful.
me.
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