This wonderfully Cold and Rainy Morning

Wednesday, January 16, 2008
This Wonderfully Cold and Rainy Morning
This cold winter morning, A.J. got out of her bed, ran into our room and crawled into bed with me and D.H. We all eventually got up at 6:30 am and after I got her dressed for school, she put her baby doll in the little stroller and ran back and forth through the house, "O" chasing her and they were both laughing and having a great time. Before we walked out of the door she went and got socks from her underwear and sock drawer (opening the drawer by herself) and put them on her hands as mittens. I offered her real mittens but she said, "No, I want the socks!" So we went to school with socks on her hands and her two doll's (Christmas presents) for show and tell...whom she named Friendly Girl and Dai Dai. I was a bit worried that kids at school might make fun of the name, Friendly Girl, (never mind Dai Dai...but one thing at a time) and imagined her saying to me someday, "Mom, how could you let me take a doll to preschool and tell all my friends I call it, Friendly Girl?"

So I offered up some suggestions in the car.

"Do you want to give Friendly Girl a different name? How about Alison?
"No, not Alison. Just Friendly Girl."
"Do you like the name Claire?"
"Yes!"
"Shall we call Friendly Girl, Claire?"
"OK...(pause).....No! just Friendly Girl."
"OK."

So we walked to her classroom, socks on hands, Friendly Girl and Dai Dai carried by me. A.J. was very happy when she got to class and ran to pet Lucas's head which I was glad to hear a teacher-aid tell her was not something we do....and tell her very nicely and gently. Lucas doesn't mind though. He adores her. She is pretty well-liked by her classmates which is very comforting for me.

I told her teacher, Brenda, that the sock-mittens were A.J.'s idea, so that she would know I didn't put socks on my childs hands to keep them warm (these teacher tend to gossip a bit I have noticed. You have to keep communication open.)

Brenda laughed about the socks. Then she stopped working on her moring paperwork and said to me, " A.J. has become very adamant about not sharing any of the little doll sets that the kids play with. A.J. wants all of the dolls, every one of them, and won't share with anyone."

I said that on the message board I write on talked about how our kids learn and process things in groups. That when one thing is missing from a group, that is very disturbing. Brenda said she knows that is a symptom of autism, but that yesterday, A.J. was really getting upset about it and she has never done that before.

I said, "A.J. is doing lots of things recently she has never done before. She is playing with Owen now, expressing herself....asking spontaneous questions and getting her pronouns right."

Brenda added that she is also laughing appropriately at funny things.


Through this conversation, I was trying to point out to Brenda that the good comes with the bad and that I am actually excited about the progress, even if it is a bit annoying sometimes. Maybe I should have simply said, "I'll talk to her about it and work with her on it." That way I would have validated what Brenda was saying to me, not just acting like it was actually only a good thing. Hm.

But honestly, I really want A.J. to assert herself because she has never done it before! As a two-year-old she never yelled "MINE!" she just let kids take her toys and she would move on. Now she is yelling "MINE" at "O" when he tries to take a toy she is playing with. She is sticking up for herself and actually learning how to do it.

I know that it is probably no fun for her teacher to have to deal with this type of behavior at school, especially since A.J. has never been a handful before. But this is a GOOD THING! The BEST way for her to learn is to work it out with her peers. I want A.J. to say "NO, it's mine" and not share, and see what happens. She needs to learn that it makes her peers frustrated or angry that they can't play or participate. Maybe I will talk to Brenda about explaining that aspect of it to A.J. I will talk to her about that part of it too. But I am not going to simply tell A.J. to share because she has to or the teacher will be angry. I want her to learn by social trial and error with her peers, just like other kids do, that you need to share...to make and keep friends. She is 2, almost 3 years late expressing and testing that type of social interaction. But I didn't know if she would ever figure it out. Ever. So this is exciting for me. Yeay getting in trouble! :)

It is cold and rainy outside. I've got some laundry going and the sound of the dryer is comforting. I am going to put my cell phone on my bedside table incase either preschool calls, I won't miss it...and take a glorious, comfy, warm morning nap, with the sound of the rain outside my window. I will completely enjoy that I am not at work in an office with brown carpet, getting ready to go to a meeting of some sort, worrying about some social mistake I had made with a coworker the day before.

Nap...here I come.
me.