1st grade stuff and some other stuff

So AJ is on the upswing and has been for a few days. In fact, the day after she stayed up with me and ate peanut butter, she had a really good day. This means, I think, that we can add peanut butter back in her diet again and not just for a one-time treat. Her nervous cough is gone now and Her teachers and aid think that they have "figured her out" at school. I guess when she was going through her work strike they were just letting her wander off to the book nook, and sit on pillows and read while everyone else was doing spelling and math. When I found this out I told them simply that she should only be allowed to do this AFTER she completes her assignments. Now, she magically does her work and then gets to have free time. We are still struggling with handwriting getting in the way of her writing stuff freely, although today was the first day that she just wrote a story in her journal. The letters were all mixed up with caps and lowercase and many were turned the wrong way...BUT fewer were backwards than last month and fewer were capitalized. She just has a major problem with the letter a...she only wants to write, A. Oh, well, this seems so minor but once she learns something it gets stuck in her head and it is like we have to unlearn that it is OK to mix up caps and lower case. It is not like most kids where you just kind of change what you do....with AJ you have to teach her to unlearn this way of writing then help her relearn how to do it properly. Then the odd changing in how she is supposed to do it, upsets her. I don't know why they didn't teach the kids how to do it properly the first time around. When I was a kid, I was taught it properly and wasn't left to learn my own way of writing...mixing up all the letters and such.

When I pick her up from school I talk to her teachers and aid almost every day for a few minutes. So when DH and I went to AJ's open house tonight we didn't really learn anything new. I just completed the "parent assignment" which was to draw a picture in her journal and write about it. I drew a picture of our family, wrote our names over our heads then wrote it the book: Hi AJ, Your journal looks great. I love you so much. Love, Mommy (and DH wrote, "and Daddy.")

I noticed at open house when I looked in her journal that she only drew pictures with no writing until a couple of days ago and I thought it was kind of strange that she was left to struggle and just write stuff freely. When I was a kid I was given a book where I drew on one side then I brought the picture to the teacher who asked me what it was then wrote it down on the next page...for example: "This is a beautiful fairy. She has pink wings with blue on them."

Then I would copy the teachers writing undernieth each word. This way I got used to how it should look and such...until I was ready to start writing it on my own. I did this a bit with the kids over the summer but AJ really needs it more. So maybe I will start doing it at home again with the kids. As if I didn't have enough to do :) Target has these cool notebooks where it is blank on the top of the page then lined at the bottom. I'll get a couple of those.

After open house, DH and I went out to eat. My parents were watching the kids so we snuck in a bit more alone time and had a nice dinner. I even ordered a cosmopolitan and didn't get a headache!! I didn't drink the whole thing though since I knew I would be nursing Emmy in a couple of hours. It was nice to relax though. I felt so much better after a small drink and got all happy and chatty with DH. Our food was delicious and a tiny dragon fly landed in my water! DH saved it and we watched it sit and dry out its wings for a little while then fly off. I got a new water. As much as dragon flys are pretty, I still don't want to drink after them.

I did something kind of weird. I asked my sister's husband (the sister who passed away) if I could have her fake Christmas tree. I was thinking about how a few years ago she was obsessing about finding a hot pink Christmas tree, then she found it and paid like, $400 for it. I thought it was really funny that she wanted it, and wanted it so bad that she paid a lot of money for it which wasn't really like her. I thought about how it would be so cool to have since she was always with us for Christmas before and it would be like a representation of her and the kids would decorate it and she would be with us through Christmas. DH was a bit "ugh" about the prospect of a hot pink Christmas tree, especially since he really enjoys picking out real ones each year. But he said if it meant a lot to me that it was fine with him. So I emailed my sister's husband last week, asking him, and he hasn't emailed me back. Now I am starting to feel a bit weird about the whole thing. I'm also wondering if I really want it after all. I mean, maybe it will just be sad when I look at it and glaring in my my living room.

Hm, I have a feeling he will not want to give it up. Although I can't imagine him putting it up. This is the first thing I have asked for. He did bring me her bike, which I haven't ridden yet, and all of her sewing stuff, which I haven't used. It is weird to have that stuff. Hm. Maybe it will be weird to have her Christmas tree. Maybe it will just be sad.

Stuff coming up: DH is going on tour for a week with his band and they are going to play at CMJ in NY. He was all excited tonight because CMJ is giving the bands new shoes. Their new album is coming out next month. Also coming up...For my birthday we are traveling 3 hours south to my hometown where I am going to see all my friends . The fam is going to stay at my friend, Tina's house. I am going to attempt to have a girls night out with my friends there so that will be fun/interesting. DH and Tina's husband will watch the kids who are going to have a fun sleepover. Gosh I would love to go dancing. I think that is a bit too ambitious though. Also coming up...my parents are closing on my childhood house next Wednesday. Holy crap, that is an emotional thing I will have to try and live around.

me.

First Grade and Stuff

I let AJ stay up with me tonight until 10:30 while DH was off feeding my parent's dog while they are in England....then Israel. I also let her eat peanut butter which I thought made her foggy in the past but she asked for it and looked at my eyes and said, "please mommy." I couldn't say no so we put some on a rice cake with a bit of honey. I guess I let her have it because, well, she was hungry and we didn't have anything else in the house, and she has been foggy lately anyway, even though we are following the diet strictly.

Her teacher switched AJ's desk again...to the front of the classroom this time, right next to her teacher's desk. I thought it was a good place for AJ to be but I winced at the fact that she was moved again. I know the kids notice when a "problem" child is moved around the classroom a few times in an effort to make things work a bit better. As I hung up AJ's backpack this morning as AJ put her lunch in her cubby, the girl who used to sit next to AJ told me with with glee that AJ had been moved away from her and sat up front now. That annoyed and worried me. Whatever. I don't know.

I have these forms that the autism society sent out a link for. Here is the link. So I printed them out to show to her teacher and see if she likes any of them. AJ has this tic. She coughs and when she is stressed she coughs about every 10 seconds. This drives people nuts. It doesn't bother me though since I feel very sorry for her. But her teacher this morning asked if there were any tricks to distract AJ from coughing as it disturbed the library visit a few days ago and they were going to that classroom again today. I said that no, there was nothing and that it would probably go away in a few days. AJ told me tonight that she has a bad cough and maybe she shouldn't go back to school until it goes away. sigh.

So we are reading the Wizard of Oz. AJ's teacher is reading it to her class so I downloaded it on my iPhone and have been reading it to the kids while the lights are off and they are in their beds. I wanted to do the same book so that AJ would be able to answer questions better if she was getting a double dose of it. Also I am going to order them some Wizard of Oz Halloween costumes tomorrow. I already have a lion costume that I borrowed for Emmy.

Emmy, by the way is doing amazingly well. She just brings joy like a ray of sunshine that doesn't stop glowing all around the house. She was 6-months-old on Sunday and she is already starting to sit up and rock forward, she even managed to do a tiny tiny bit of crawling forwards today. I was so excited. She is super cute and sweet and smiley. We haven't done any vaccines yet but I might follow the Dr. Sears vaccine schedule and take her in next week for the first one. I'm not doing HepB though since I just read today that it is linked to Autism. I knew one of these vaccines would be eventually and it kind of makes sense that it is the one they give the babies at 3 days old. I knew that seemed crazy when I was a brand new mom with her, but I decided to trust the experts, HA! Turns out that the only expert on your kid is yourself. You know, I write that but, you know, taking Owen to the hospital when he couldn't breathe was super-important, and my doctor did save my life when I had appendicitis. So it is hard to criticize when modern medicine saved my life and perhaps even Owen's. But if I blindly trust, well, look what happens.

I'm tired, I'm going to bed.

Goodnight,

me.

Wow so much has been going on

AJ started 1st grade and I was once again reminded that I have a little girl with autism. I guess over the summer I was able to kind of forget. At summer camp she happily played, made friends and had a nice time. She did the little work books that I made for them and things were pretty chill. We just all kind of hung out and gave Emmy lots of attention.

Now...she is going on a "work strike." Her new teacher is sending home pages and pages of homework which are worksheets that she didn't do in class. We spent 2.5 hours yesterday (with breaks) doing homework like writing spelling words and doing math problems that she can do in her sleep. So it has been a tough transition and she started her little cough/tic again. Her little cough comes back when she is stressed out. At speech today her speech teacher was worried about her being so stressed and said she wanted to figure out a way to "help us." I have a feeling that means a psychologist or something. I told her I will take any help I can get to keep my little one comfortable and happy.

me.

Obsessive Doll Arranging

So I decided there are worse things than a husband buying a keyboard for his beloved band. I decided I didn't feeling being mad so I just let it go.

AJ has been obsessing over her dolls. When we are out of the house she wants to get home because she "has work to do." She arranges them into piles and decides who are the brothers and sister and arranges them in to classes and grades. She didn't want to go to sleep tonight because she had "lots of work to do." I think I am going to do what I did before and allow her 6 or 10 dolls at a time because she seems to have about 50 little dolls again. Then she can switch them out each day for different ones. But she gets overwhelmed and obsessive over having so many. I think she will be happier without so much work to do. We will play it by ear, I don't want to take away what she loves, but I have a feeling there will be some relief involved if we cut it way down.

me

this sucks

I'm kind of freaking out right now. DH told me that he bought a midi keyboard for his band. This is at a time when we have no money and I have been busting my butt to get wedding video bookings and editing whenever I get a second between taking care of the 3 kids. The keyboard was $250. I feel like he is pissing away my hard work...on his band. He said he bought it because I got a booking and 2 more inquiries. I have been so stressed lately with trying to keep the business going so we can pay our mortgage, so stressed that it made me sick with this shingles..which you only get when your immune system is compromised and/or if you are suffering from severe stress.

If I spend too much money it is because I went to Gymboree and went a bit nuts on the sale rack or something. It is always for the kids or our family. I am so disappointed that his splurge is for the band while our family is suffering severe money issues. There is so much we could do with $250 right now for the business. This recession is kicking my ass.

His band is really good. They are getting ready to release a new album and go on tour. He loves it and I try hard to support him. But tonight...I hate it. Tomorrow I will gather myself up again and look on the bright side again. Now, I think I will make myself a cup of decaf tea to try and get rid of this migraine, and maybe find something mindless on TV.

me.

The happy panicker

Good afternoon. This morning I slept and slept while DH made blueberry pancakes for the kids and did laundry and then cleaned the kitchen. Please call me the luckiest person in the world. 

Acutally he probably did it because I had really bad anxiety last night for the first time in a long time. I actually had gone to sleep at 10 then woke up at midnight in a panic. I called to DH who finished up his video game level then came in to see what I needed. I told him my skin hurt and I was panicking. I told him that I didn't want to look at these same f....ing walls. He said that the laptop was right there and so was my iphone. I said no, I need a book or photos or something. He left and came back with a big wad of photos from the photo drawer, many of which were from our wedding. That made me smile and we went through them together. Then when we got to the photo of my parent's old house at Christmas time I started to cry. They sold that house yesterday. It was on the market for over a year, almost 2 years I guess. It is a huge 5 bedroom 3 bath, two story red brick house with a huge front and back yard and our swing on the oak tree out back. They sold it for $175,000 which is digustingly low for that amazing house...my childhood house. But the people buying are really excited about it, which makes it better for some reason. 

So I realized that is why I woke up panicking. I also was panicking for a very, very, weird reason. It was this video, this short 4 minute story that I watched right before bed and then seemingly for hours, played in my head like clockwork till I woke up freaking out. If you watch it and can figure out why I was panicking about it, I'd love to hear your theory because I have none. p.s. he didn't give them 50cents.

me.

a couple of things

OK this Shingles stuff is a bit more uncomfortable now. It isn't so uncomfortable that it makes me panicky, and it isn't worse than a headache or stomach ache, in fact it is still better than either of those. But my skin is starting to hurt and my neck is sore too. The weird thing is that it looks like the rash is starting to clear up. This evening I told DH that I think I am getting sick because my neck aches an my skin hurts. He said "You are sick. You have shingles."

"Oh yea."

But my skin hurts all over, not just near the rash, which is what happens when I am getting sick.

Tonight something wonderful happened. I lay down with AJ for a while as she was going to sleep and we chatted a bit. She will chat with me to keep me there since she likes having company when she is fighting going to sleep. So I get to chat. When we were done I told her thank you for talking to me and that I love talking with her. She said, "Mom, you make my heart super happy."

I just about cried right then and there. She is such a beautiful child. I just want to keep her safe and happy every second of her life. I think it is good enough now though that we love each other and hang out a whole bunch.

me.