This morning I took "O" to the downtown library story hour. When we were there I thought about how we used to often go out in the mornings and I wondered why I stopped. I tried to think of the last time I took him out to something on a morning he does not have preschool, and I realized it was before my sister passed away. I suddenly realized that this was a direct effect of what happened and the impact it had on me and it was very odd. It was odd to have sort of proof that life changed, and that I stopped leaving the house in the morning. I didn't even realize that, until today, when I went out again.
We had a nice morning. We left story time early because "O" got bored and wiggly, then eventually loud. But then we went to visit DH who works downtown, and we saw his new office with a window overlooking main street. He is pretty excited about that. "O" told all of DH's coworkers that his favorite ride at Disney World was the race cars! When someone asked him what he wanted for his birthday next week he said "A big car."
The three of us went out for lunch. I was wearing the big baggy T-shirt I slept in under the sweater I threw on to take A.J. to school this morning. We were rushing so I didn't get dressed, I just pulled on jeans and a zip-up fleece and ran out of the door. I somehow thought it would be OK to go to the library like that. But then in the story hour room, there was a young mom who was completely "done up" and I looked at her in awe. She had a new shirt on with matching violet beads. Her hair was long and blonde, her roots were kept up and her hair freshly blow-dried and the ends curled. She had makeup on. She was with her 1-yr-old and a new baby. Later on in the class she nursed her baby with a cover up shawl over her. I was distracted simply wondering, how on earth did she manage to get ready this morning with two little ones...one of them only a couple of months old. My hair was nicely blow dried from last night thank goodness and my roots are freshly blonde, but like I said, I had on the shirt I SLEPT IN covered up by a fleece and no makeup. So by the time we went to see DH I was feeling a little like, I need to get it together. We all went for a sandwich nearby his office and I enjoyed hanging with my boys for a little while. DH walked "O" and me back to the car and now "O" is napping while I write. I still have this shirt on but do plan to change before we go to pick up A.J.
So today was good. I got out in the morning which hopefully has re-started the morning activities becoming a normal routine.
Let me end on this note...last night A.J. hugged me for the first time since before she had autism. She often kind of bumps into me when she wants a hug. But last night she opened up her arms, walked towards me and said, "oh mommmm" and put her arms around me and squeezed. B12 shots? I don't know. If things keep going like this though, for the next two months, I will be extatic. For now, I don't want to get my hopes up as it is possible that her sudden improvement is a coincidence. Perhaps because I am finally getting it together and life is starting to move again after grief froze everything except time. That could be making her improve. I don't know yet. She sometimes has 2 amazing weeks in a row for no reason. So this upswing will have to last longer than two weeks to have cred. Right now, I am just going to hope.
I'm off to put on a fresh shirt.
me.
3 comments:
Glad Disney World was a success! We're going in June. It will be hot, but Hubby has a conference there, and his friend works at Disney so can get us some good deals. The special pass -- I always second guess that sort of thing, too, since Hutton is "high functioning." But even though he is high functioning (meaning, he can sometimes pass for "normal" when he doesn't have to talk a lot, or isn't feeling off, etc.) autism does effect us, and limits things we can do (I am too scared to sign him up for soccer or ski lessons with "normal" kids his age, for instance) and I don't think I'll feel guilty for taking advantage of the special pass in June.
The shirt - I try to shower and make myself look presentable in the morning before taking Hutton to the bus and Harrison to preschool. Some days I look more presentable than others. Being presentable doesn't seem to ever involve blow drying my hair, though! And makeup protects those around me from having to see me in my natural state, which is very frightening.
Ummm, so, I often look around at people that are completely together and wonder..."how do they do that?"
I don't even have one kid, let alone two and putting myself together is not something that is a priority for me most days. It's just not something that I want to devote my time to on a regular basis. I would love to look great without the effort, though!
P.S. I worked from home today and just realized that I am still wearing the shirt I slept in. It is 4:19 pm.
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