Breast feeding and Autism

This is sooooooo depressing

http://www.ucsf.edu/science-cafe/conversations/merzenich/

It talks about a study saying that breast feeding causes autism (PCB's) and the source is credible. This sucks. I'm not stopping yet, but, big sigh.

shingles and nursing

It is day 4 of this shingles business. My rash is looking pretty awful but I don't have open wounds. In fact I wonder if it is clearing up without getting revolting. I hope so. I don't know if that is possible though. The Tegaderm plastic cover things are working really well. Emmy is nursing on that side now (no more pumping except to get milk for AJ and Owen) and when Emmy nurses it actually stops the itch, which is really nice. The main bad thing is that if I forget and scratch it, it feels like someone is holding a match to my skin. So I have only forgotten twice. My right eye feels kind of funny. I hope that nothing weird goes wrong with that. It is itchy and kind of sore.

I'm writing this down because I didn't see any day by day accounts when I looked up shingles on the internet, so I wanted to document it a little bit incase anyone else had a mild case of it like me and wanted to see what it is like each day. The very best thing I am doing is resting. DH is coming home for lunch so I can sleep and that makes me feel so much better.

So since Owen hasn't had any dairy, his stuttering has stopped. One of my friends told me that there must be a major genetic allergy to dairy in my family. I told her I think it is totally weird that the allergy is neurological. The she said, "Hasn't your anxiety been much better?" She is right. It has. I am happier now than I have been in many many years. Maybe that is because I have my third baby and we have our own house. But I don't know. Maybe it is because my brain doesn't do well with dairy also? Hm, that seems like a stretch and I miss my pizza for sure.

OK, goodnight for now.

me.

shingles, autism, recession

I'm on day 3 of this shingles rash and I think I must be one of the lucky few that isn't that bothered by it. It is itchy but if I just leave it alone it is OK. If I forget and touch it, then it hurts. But I am being super careful to just ignore the itch. I don't have pain on the nerve where the rash runs so I guess I am very lucky not to have that. I am just really really really tired. I also have swollen glands and a sore throat but not too badly or anything.

So I have been using the plastic stuff, Tagederm, over the rash which helps because I can see where it is. I have started nursing Emmy on that side again since her mouth doesn't go near the rash, where as the pump piece got a bit too close to it and aggravated it a bit.

I have been pumping and giving the milk to AJ and Owen, disguised with chocolate rice milk so they are not totally grossed out. I am hoping the antibodies will help Owen not get it and might help Avery's autism?? Who knows. I was also thinking that I stopped nursing AJ around 14 or 16 months and if autism has anything to do with immune defficiency that breast milk can only help with that. I know she is 6 but its not like I'm putting her on my boob or anything. She doesn't even know she is getting it (she would be grossed out if I told her.) Both AJ and Owen are doing well today. Owen's stuttering seems to be much better too since I stopped giving him dairy a week or so ago. DH noticed that too. Of course, it could be a coincidence, but I don't think so.

So DH is at a meeting but is going to come home from work early so that I can sleep. He came home for a long lunch and I slept for an hour and a half. I might go lie down right now while the kids are watch a movie and Emmy is asleep.

Oh, I finally got a wedding video booking, which means we now have August and September's mortgage covered (if everyone sends their checks in). Maybe that is why I got shingles. I was so stressed about paying the mortgage because we weren't getting any bookings that it made me sick? I don't know.

me.

A helpful Yahoo Answer to my question about Shingles

My Question:

When do Shingles start to hurt? I am on day 1 and no pain but worried the rash will start to hurt?
I have covered the rash with bandages and see red lines down my back where I guess it is spreading to. I have no pain and mild itching. My dermatologist prescribed Valtrex but I see no need to take it if there is no pain, but I am worried the pain may suddenly start. Does anyone have any experience with this day by day?
Thank you for any help.



Answer: (from a very smart 13 yr old!)

Yikes. im sorry to hear that you have shingles. im 13 and i got them this year. yes, they will get very painful. but what helped me SO much, (my doctor didnt even recomend it, my mom told me:) is calamine. its a pink liquid. you apply it on the rash and leave it there. what it does is drys out the blister and then they will tend to fall off. i had to gob on the calamine. its very cold also and feels good when you put it on the rash. relief. i put it on with a cottonball. so i would start with that before the pain comes because trust me, it killls. but dont be scared. because you'll feel a whole lot better with calamine on(: aha. and also, when the calamine starts to work and dry the blisters out, DONT scratch at them or pick at them. it will leave scars:/ i have a collage of dots on my side and chest because of these nasty little thingss. and dont pop them either. this will spread the diease.

P.S. sorry i dont have a day by day.. but the first couple of days i didnt feel anything. i thought it was acne or something. but when the blisters start to really pop out of your skin, you will feel it. just be strong.(: and good luck!
Source(s):
experience.. *sigh*

Oh Crap I've Got Shingles (I thought you had to be old)

So last night I was getting these weird hot flashes and I was having a bizarre waking dream that I was in the show, Merlin. (I love that show). I didn't realize I was sick, I just thought I was hot because Camelot was hot. But then I got up and turned the AC down, get this...so the kids wouldn't be too hot in Camelot (I was out of it). About a half hour later I felt fine, but not sleepy. At that point (about 1am by now) I felt something itchy on my breast and it felt like a bug bite or something but then I realized it was bigger than a bug bite. I got out of bed and went into the bathroom to check it out in the mirror. I was dismayed to see I had an awful rash on there...itchy red bumps. So for the rest of the nights feeding with Emmy I made sure the rash was covered with my T-shirt so her lips didn't touch the affected area.

This morning I felt fine but the rash looked so soft and lumpy and disturbing that I called my dermatologist and made an appointment for tomorrow morning at 8am. Then this afternoon I noticed that the rash had spread in a line all around my breast and I got very nervous about nursing Emmy so I called back my dermatolgist and begged them to see me today. They said they weren't a walk in clinic but when I told them I was worried about my 4 month old nursing near the rash, they fit me in this afternoon.

So when the doctor came in and I showed her the rash she backed away and hurried out of the room saying she was going to get another doctor. I thought that was kind of nerve wracking. Then she stuck her head in the room and said the other doctor was coming. She said that she was pregnant and if I had what she thought I had, that was very contageous and horrible for a pregnant woman. Then she left again and my heart was pounding out of my chest.

The next doctor came in and looked at it and said it was shingles.

I said, 'I thought only old people get shingles."

She said, "Anyone who had chicken pox as a child can get it. Doe it hurt?"

"no."

"You are very lucky that it doesn't hurt because it can be very painful."

"No it just itches a bit."

She prescribed me Valtrex and said it would be fine for nursing. I asked if Emmy could get the virus from my breast milk and get chicken pox. She said she would call my pediatrician and find out for sure. A half hour later they told me that the milk was not affected and this is what I needed to do:

1. bandage the blisters well

2. put plastic stuff over the bandages (Tegaderm)

3. pump on the affected breast making sure that no part of the rash touches the plastic of the pump. Pump while she is nursing on the other side.

4. feed her the milk that I pumped.

Now I am home and showered and bandaged up. My boob is wrapped in enough plastic to pack it in a box and ship it off somewhere. I did pump and Emmy finally took a bottle after I tried 2 different kinds. She likes the Born Free bottles and nipples and would only take it sitting on my lap and facing away from me, go figure.

I'm really tired and about to go to bed now. I decided not to take the Valtrex since I am nursing. I gave some of the breast milk that Emmy didn't drink and mixed it with AJ's favorite, chocolate rice milk and gave her a cup. I think that if autism has anything to do with viruses from shots still living in her system, maybe my antibodies fighting the shingles will help her. I'm going to give Owen some too although he isn't vaccinated for chicken pox and I might take him to get vaccinated tomorrow.

They also took a mole off to send away for a biopsy.

I'm off to bed now. I hope it isn't a bad idea not to take the Valtrex.

me.

Gluten Free, Casein Free, Soy Free

I hear about people trying Gluten Free Casein Free and it not working but I wonder if they took out soy or not, or if they tried it for a good period of time. When we were off the diet, AJ lived in a fog. If I mess up the diet, she goes back into her fog. On the diet, she is aware of her surroundings. On the diet (very strictly) with methyl b12 shots added, she is awesome.

I have to be so strict about keeping any trace of soy, gluten or casein out of her diet and it is such a pain. Soy is almost as bad as gluten too. I have a feeling that most people do not do the diet this strictly and I have a feeling that if they did, that the results would be different. This means also cutting out fast food and anything that is processed. It means keeping the salt and sugar intake low and simply getting rid of anything with a long list of ingredients on the label.

I don't think that the diet is given a good enough chance. Maybe I'm wrong, but I have that feeling. I want to know if I am wrong so tell me if I am wrong.
me.

Today was day 1 of the 5 weeks till school starts and it was a really nice day. I met friends at the park since it wasn't 100 degrees out this morning and realized that they both were doing the 5 week no camp thing too and so we will do play groups and such together. This is actually going to be fun. I slept in a bit too while the kids played educational computer games until I got up. I was nice and rested since I didn't have to get up and get everyone ready for camp. 

I talked to L's husband tonight. More on that later

me.

Oh my god

So I am going to be home with the kids for 5 weeks before school starts. FIVE WEEKS. I can't afford more summer camp or babysitting. And I have a huge wedding video that needs to be done in 3 weeks that will take about 80 hours to edit. How do I do that with 3 kids at home with me during the day...one being a 4 month old? So I am up tonight working on it. This post is my break, along with some chips and hummus.

So I have decided to change my game plan a bit. I am now going to offer less expensive videos and do less editing. I never wanted to do that before. I just wanted to do super fun challenging stuff, with lots of cool effects and music, and charge a good amount for it. But I am FREAKING out right now because I am getting no bookings. I guess no one wants to spend $3000 on a wedding video these days. For the big ones I was traveling, even out of state. But now I won't travel because of Emmy and no one in our little college town is snatching us up, or even knows about us really. I have been trying to shmooze the local wedding vendors this past month but with no bookings I don't even have $ to buy more business cards to give out. I am doing everything I can on all the social media sites short of completely spamming people, and we are having a photographer and his family over for dinner on Friday. I am going to do a bridal show in September that is breaking the bank for us now. I didn't think the economy would affect us since people don't stop getting married. But it has...and we are buying groceries on the credit card this week that we just paid off with our taxes a few months ago.

This sucks.

me.

me.

The positive side of autism?

Today was our babysitter's last day. She was AJ's aid during the school year and she has been coming over in the afternoons, picking the kids up from summer camp and watching them 3 days a week while I edit my wedding videos on the computer. She is getting her special ed certification and she is a lovely 22 year old, brilliant teacher/friend. She is already married and building a house at age 22 which I find baffling but don't harp on.

Anyway...today, her last day, she told me that she read a book recently about the positive side of autism. Of course I have already forgotten the name of the book and the author (memory lapse due to either nursing or past large doses of Zoloft before my anxiety disorder magically disappeared by itself with my most recent pregnancy). Sorry, I digress. So she told me that in this book the author visited different autism families and asked them what was positive about autism and at first they were shocked or confused by the question. Then they answered with things like, now they look at the small achievements instead of expecting large ones.

I didn't think that seemed like such a positive thing although I have a feeling that there are probably some amazing positive stories in this book and I probably need to get it. So at that point of the conversation with our babysitter I was thinking about what I think about autism. I don't really think it is positive really but it is hard to sit on that conclusion since my little girl is so completely amazing and happens to have autism. I used to think that the autism made her amazing. Now I think that her being amazing has nothing to do with the autism and that the autism actually makes it difficult for her to express herself properly. I have another way of explaining this that goes a little below the service. Here is the disclaimer...if you are squeamish about grief, stop here.

Let me start with the phrase, "All Souls Are Equal." I first heard this phrase when I was doing a photo montage honoring an amazing psychiatrist who ran the Center For Autism and Related Disabilities, and had passed away. For the montage, his former employees and his freinds sent in little notes and blurbs and recordings of what they found special about him.
I had no idea what his friend was talking about when she made this whole recording about how she loved that he taught that all souls are equal. I had no idea what on earth she was talking about and I didn't really care because I just needed to get the photo montage done and looking good and it wasn't my job at that point to try and digest the meaning of peoples sentiments.

And I didn't think of it again until a couple of months after my sister's funeral. My sister had an open casket funeral and I remember when I went to look at her I was shocked that she wasn't in there. Her body was there looking alarmingly strange, but after my first glimpse I found myself looking frantically around the room and in the air around her for her soul. I have never understood what a soul was before but now I knew exactly what it was and I suddenly knew that her body there in the casket was a house for her soul. Now her body couldn't house her soul and her soul did not have a way to express itself and I wondered where it was now. Perhaps her soul is in heaven, whatever that may be. What I know more than ever is that in this lifetime I will never know where her soul is...although I have a feeling that it isn't that far away. In fact I remember feeling an odd pang of relief when I saw that she wasn't in there because she wasn't going to be buried. Her body was, but her soul, the part that I loved, was somewhere else and was not going into the ground.

So how does this relate to autism? Since I now realized that our bodies are simply a house for our soul, I also realized that our bodies fail us sometimes and make it more difficult for our souls to express themselves. When our bodies are no longer able to express our souls, our souls have to leave our bodies. So yes, all souls are equal even though not all bodies are equal. It was a life-changing moment the evening a month or so after my sister's funeral that I remembered that phrase and realized exactly what they were talking about.

I think that autism makes it a bit harder for AJ's soul to express herself. BUT there is something positive in this because she is able to express herself in many different ways that she would not have done without the autism. Maybe I am reaching here, and we do "reach" for the sake of love and happiness. But she is able to live in an amazing world that seems to me, from the outside, to be a beautiful one. I have learned a new level of patience that I didn't know existed in me. I remember reading that Madonna said that very same thing, now that she was a parent, yes, Madonna the singer. And I remember that weird tidbit of information because when I read it i was like, yes, me too, wow. I digress again. Sorry. So the positive side of autism. In conclusion, I don't think that autism is who my little girl is. I think it is a complicated maze that mixes up how she expresses herself. Sometimes it is wonderful and amazing, sometimes it is heartbreaking and down right frustrating for everyone. Do I think she would be even more amazing if her autism wasn't in the way? Well, yes I do. I think that autism "got" her because she is such a sensitive brilliant little girl. She was one of these babies who spoke at 10 months and was singing full songs at 12 months. She was a genius child, then autism struck and it was like the book, "Flowers For Algernon." Her skills just started to back track on themselves. At first, at 14 months she could work the CD player like a teenager, finding her favorite song, memorizing the number of it and then dancing to it. Then at age 2 she suddenly couldn't do it anymore and I remember both she and I were shocked and scared. That is when I called the pediatrician and the autism journey really began.

So did I answer this question OK? Is there a positive side to autism? I think my final answer is, yes. But I do reach for it, and I do hold on to it...cling on to it. What I DO know is that I have an incredible child who happens to have autism. That, my friends, I am certain about.