not just a plugged milk duct

I went to see my midwife, Lilly, this morning. When I called yesterday and told her about the lump in my breast she said I could come in today if I was worried about it. So I did and when she checked me out she said that I was right and this was not a plugged milk duct but a mass and that I needed to go to a specialist. She referred me to a radiologist who also does ultrasounds and such. After the exam she walked me up to the front desk. She is a big woman and her voice is rather booming. She said loudly to the receptionist and pretty much everyone in the waiting room, "Call to get her an appt. She has a mass in the left breast, she is breastfeeding, see that the Dr. gets her in as soon as she can." 

When I walked through the waiting room to leave, with Emmy in her car seat, I felt like everyone was looking at me and I felt like I was in a bad dream.

So now I wait for the phone call for the appt. But I'm not going to wait. I will call the radiologist office tomorrow and set up the appt since I don't have too much faith in front desk operations and procedures. I have a few very good reasons why I can't die of breast cancer and my biggest one is my child with autism. DH said something kind of weird. I know he is terrified and he said, you don't have anything to worry about, I'm the one who has something to worry about...implying that he doesn't want to be left a single father of three kids. It was kind of a joke but a little alarming anyway. 

I'm not going to mention anything to my  mom or younger sister until I get the all clear or otherwise, because they don't need to do the waiting game with me. I wish I could talk to my older sister about this. If I prayed... I would pray about this.

me.