It is late Friday night and I am fighting off a headache. It is actually Sat by now. I worked on a photo montage from 10 till 2 and it was one that was done until the bride told me she had emailed me music choices previously. I found the email and it was buried at the bottom and they were mp3 attachments that I hadn't been looking out for.

It is 2:23am. I can't just go to sleep after working. I have to decompress or something. I need to be up until I pass out or I will just worry.

I can't let myself just think that my pregnancy is going to go well and that things are going to be good because I feel like if I think that I will be punished or something. I allowed myself to think that with my sister. I feel like if I am terrified that something bad will happen that I will either be prepared or spared. I know that is crazy, I do, and I don't want to fee like that. But I am trying to protect myself from being caught off guard or something,

I think I might go and see my counselor guy that I visited a few times after my sister passed. Maybe I will go see him next week when I am 32 weeks, where she was when she and the baby passed.

OK, sorry that I am writing about this and not AJ stuff. This is just what is on my mind and has to be peeled off before I can focus on my little one. I will write this though, I have discovered that if I give at least 10 mintues to each child, after books, lying down and cuddling and chatting a little bit, they are much much happier about going to sleep.

me.