Falling to Bits

So yesterday my mom and I went out to lunch. She has been grumpy with my dad recently and while we were driving to the restaurant she told me that she was not mad at him but wanted to punish him. I asked her why, a little alarmed. 

I said, "What did he do?"

"When I was opening up the Christmas cards on the morning of Claire's wedding, I looked in it and there was a love note to him. It said, to the man I love, then there was a love note inside."

"What?"

"And it was when all our relatives were sitting around the table. I just handed it to him."

When we got inside the restaurant she pulled the card out of her purse and handed it to me. I read the note that said stuff like, "Why did you stop calling me? I still love you."

Mom told me that Dad just blows it off and said it is some crazy lady from his old work. But she is furious.

I'm angry too but I knew he had contacts like these. He enjoys the attention and he doesn't know how to tell people to get lost. He has no judge of character when it comes to letting crazy people into his life, especially desperate women. He listens, he tries to help and doesn't understand when they are trying to manipulate him because they have a crush on him. He has always been like this. If people are crazy he deems them eccentric and accepts them because he has always been a bit pretty much a social outcast. He is a nice guy and a magnet for people who want to attach themselves to a nice guy.

Recently though, since my sister passed he hasn't been the same and I have a hard time connecting with him. I will never be my sister, whom he had a very close relationship with. And he has just always driven me nuts, even though I love him dearly. 

Now my Mom, who has always been a bit alarmingly impatient with him, feels betrayed. She said she knows that it is some crazy lady from his work but she just can't shake it. He won't talk about it and she doesn't want to press the issue so she is just fuming. He has to live with her anger and she has to too. The thing is that her pain, and my Dad's pain gives too much credit to this person who sent the card. It is not worth their pain.

I don't know what to do. My sister would have known what to do. I told mom pretty  much what I wrote here, that dad just lets people into his life and tries to help them when no one else will and so they "fall in love" with him, because he isn't mean to them. He doesn't find it disgusting when a woman attaches herself to him because she is desperate. He doesn't realize this is not a compliment. My mom appreciated my explanation. But I also told her that if she still has unanswered questions, then she will never get closure and that she needs to bring it up and demand real answers. Maybe that was wrong advice but I don't know, I can't imagine just sitting on this.

For me, I am at a loss. I don't know if I should bring it up or talk to him about it. I was thinking about calling him or going for a walk with him and talking about it with him without any anger and just discussing it with him. I know it isn't my business but it hurts my heart too. My family was my rock and now with my sister's death and then my Mom reading love notes to her husband written by another woman, it just seems like things will never be right again. I know they are not horrible. I don't think my dad is or ever was cheating on her. I do think he might have looked for comfort in someone who wasn't grieving when my sister passed because it is impossible to seek real comfort in someone who is going through the same terrible pain. But what about my mom? It isn't fair for her if he looked for that elsewhere while she struggled on her own.

So I am sad tonight and conflicted. So much stuff is going on but this is sitting at the front of my mind, hence, the blog.

 I don't know what to do. I guess I will keep thinking about it but I feel so sorry for my Mom, and my Dad kind of too.

me.